


the waiting game

by clockworkcheetah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Castiel is Saved from the Empty (Supernatural), Confessions, Feelings Realization, Hopeful Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Sleeping Castiel (Supernatural), Watching Someone Sleep, no beta we're making this up as we go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29813289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkcheetah/pseuds/clockworkcheetah
Summary: Dean's not the best at it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	the waiting game

**Author's Note:**

> ok ok so in a prev fic i wrote (and to the stars) i briefly mentioned dean waiting for cas to wake (im a big softy for 'dean watching cas sleep' trope (in a non creepy way obvs) so kinda further exploration of that (u dont need to read that fic for this) hence the ending being the way it is i just wante to write specifically dean waiting for cas  
> zero planning when into this (i swear i do normally plan my fics...)

Dean had never been good at sitting still. 

Always restless, always a constant need to do something. Fiddling with something, drumming his fingers, clicking his tongue. Driving Sam mad. 

He'd never been good at the waiting game. It might be at its absolute worst right now. Ever since Chuck had been dealt with and Jack now had God-powers- they've barely had time to process anything, holy shit- and he said, with semi-confidence, he should be able to pull Cas from the Empty. So, into the portal he created. Dean would've followed- he absolutely would've bulldozed down the Empty to hull Cas out- but the portal is nothing more than a thin slit, floating in the middle of the Bunker. Jack probably knew Dean would do something drastic. 

Dean was wearing a groove into the floor with his pacing. Sam, for the most part, just said 'Dean...' in increasingly exasperated tones. It was cautious though, like he wanted Dean to calm down, without setting him off. He would've been set off if he was angry. He isn't sure what he is, but it wasn't anger. 

"Jack'll get Cas back, you gotta be patient, man." 

"Yeah, and he's a kid that suddenly juiced up with the power of the almighty." Dean can hear the strain in his voice. "What if it goes wrong? We don't know much about the freakin' angel-demon graveyard. And Cas-" 

He cuts himself off. If Dean were to be honest with himself, he isn't sure if Cas would even want to see him. Why do they only talk to each other when one is dying? 

Sam is giving him a curious glance. Him and Jack know something had happened when Cas was taken, Dean was hardly subtle. There wasn't time to explain- not that Dean would've said, anyway. It was private. 

There's always something going on with Dean and Cas, though. This particular ran much, much deeper than the usual arguments or confessions. It had left a heavy weight in Dean's heart. One he can't shift. 

There's a sudden surge of vibrations in the air, as the slit expands. Same and Dean brace themselves- someone else might crawl out- as Jack stumbles out of the Empty, supporting the weight of a certain trench coat-wearing, scruffy angel. 

He looks... terrible, honestly. Exhausted, in that bone-deep way, like someone who just could not catch a break. Despite leaning on Jack, he's clearly struggling to stay upright. His glassy eyes land on Dean, but they flicker away, uncertain. 

Without thinking, Dean rushes forward and pulls Cas into his arms. He's briefly worried that maybe he shouldn't have done that- where does he stand with Cas anymore? - but then he feels Cas' arms weakly wrap around him. 

"Cas, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Dean mumbles. 

Cas murmurs something, but it's too quiet, too muffled from where Cas has buried himself into Dean's shoulder. 

"See?" Jack says, wide, proud smile on his face. "I said I could get him back." 

Dean reaches over and squeezes Jack's arm. 

"Kid, seriously- thank you." Dean says. He owes a lot to Jack- there's a lot of damage he needs to repair. This is a good starting point. Hopefully, it'll get a little easier here on out. 

Jack ducks his head, a little bashful, but pleased. Sam claps him on the shoulder, affectionately. 

"I did have to give Castiel-" Jack double quotes, it's so much like Cas. "- a 'rude awakening', though. He is very tired." 

And just like that, Dean realises he's supporting most of Castiel's weight. He sinks them both to the floor. He's practically being straddled by Cas right now, but he can't bring himself to care. It's Cas, alive and here in his arms. 

"Alright, buddy. You with me?" Dean asks, after a couple of moments. He's dimly aware of Jack and Sam staring at him, wide-eyed. 

"Mmm." Cas is practically a dead weight. When Dean pulls back, Cas looks like he can barely keep his eyes open. Tired, but there's something else, something sad. That part of Dean that feels naturally protective kicks in. 

"Alright." Dean repeats. He shifts Cas' body so he can heave him up, bridal style. Sam looks like he was about to help, but decides against it. 

"Get a couple beers ready." Dean tells him. "It's gonna be long night." 

* * *

Carrying Cas in his arms feels terribly familiar to Dean. Last time he did this was when Jack was born, one of the worst days of Dean's life. Sam had tried to help carry Cas then, but Dean wouldn't let him. He carried Cas' lifeless body to the house, to prepare the body to burn. It was difficult, but Dean took on the burden, trying so, so hard not to let the tears fall, to stand strong. He did crumble, even going so far as to pray to a God who never cared for them. 

Despite the similarity, Cas' head is lulling against his chest and his breathing is steady, is reassuring. 

Jack was hovering by Dean. A tiny, selfish part of Dean wants to have time alone with Cas, but like in hell is he gonna tell the kid to leave his dad- especially because- now that he's technically God- he doesn't exactly have free time anymore. Down the hall, he nods his head at Jack. 

"Get the door for me. Dude's heavy." He says lightly. They're at his bedroom. 

Jack doesn't question that; he just opens the door. Dean's glad he didn't bother making the bed that morning, he can unceremoniously place Cas on the mattress. 

Not exactly how Dean would've wanted Cas in his bed. Bu he can deal with that later. Right now, getting Cas comfy is a priority. 

Jack's mouth twists to a thin, unhappy line. "I have to go check on heaven. But..." 

"Hey, kid. Go do your duty. You'll know when this idiot wakes. He'll be OK." Dean pulls Jack into a tight hug. 

"He'll be OK." Jack repeats, mostly to himself. He hugs back, just as tight. "I'll say bye to Sam first." 

"See ya, kid." 

Jack leaves, quietly closing the door behind him. Dean stands in his bedroom, with a drowsy angel in his bed. 

_Mr. Comatose._ Dean thinks fondly. What a lifetime ago that was. 

He gets Cas out of his coat with difficulty- Cas was hardly cooperative, but he successfully manages to wrangle the angel out of his beloved coat. Cas mumbles something- sleepy irritation at being jostled around so much- but Dean isn't done just yet. Somehow, having Cas sleep in a full suit doesn't sit right with him. 

" _-_ _ean_..." Cas huffs. 

"I know, ok, I know." Dean says softly. "But just- just let me do this for you." 

This seems to appease him, or he's simply too tired to oppose. He raises his arms weakly to let Dean remove his suit jacket. Not his dress shirt- Dean's glad nobody is here to see his blush- but he does remove his tie, though. 

Dean drapes them over the back of his chair, that he hauls over to the bed. After pulling, his shoes off and bundling him up in the bed sheets, Cas is sound asleep. Dean settles in the chair and prepares to sit vigil next to Cas' sleeping form. He's terrible at the waiting game, but he can wait for Cas. 

At first, Dean thought he was in a coma, or the angelic equivalent- is there one? - but Cas does wake, sometimes. Only for a few moments, a flutter of eyelashes and incoherent mumbling. Dean leans over, hands anxiously touching Cas' face, quietly asking him if he's OK. But Cas weakly stares back, it's hard to say if Cas is even aware of where he is. Or who he is with. He somewhat reminded Dean of Sam during the trials- the weakness, the exhaustion. Cas looks much healthier, though- and Dean's gonna take that as a good sign. Dean had wondered if he was feverish, but Cas wasn't gross and sweaty, or even really sleeping bad. He drops off pretty quick after. Dean lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

Because Cas is currently unable to provide Dean good company, it left Dean with a lot of time to think. Mostly what happened just before Cas was taken. It was one hell of a bombshell for Dean, and he wants to be angry at Cas for confessing as he was just about to die, but he can't. He hates that he made Cas feel like he had no choice, that he let Cas believe that his feelings could never be returned. Angry that Cas accepted the absolute bare crumbs of affection because he didn't think he deserved anything else. Mostly, Dean's just angry at himself. He reaches for Cas' hand and squeezes it tightly. He thinks that maybe there was a slight pressure in return. He likes to pretend there is. 

* * *

Aside from Sam coming in- either with beer, food, or to carefully tell Dean to at least shower and he can watch Cas- Dean is left with Cas, alone. And it's fine. It's only been a couple days. 

With everything settled and now they have time, Dean can't really not think about what Cas said. There's not much else to do, as is. Sam had bought Eileen back to the Bunker, so Dean's glad his brother got his happy ending. Dean's is just a little delayed. Hopefully, it's just that. 

He wonders how many people knew. There's been a fair share of joke-y quips from all sorts over the years. Had they really been jokes? Dean, thinking back, is starting to doubt it. He just wishes he was brave enough to ask Cas directly. Maybe it was cowardice, or his own self-doubt. He wants to drink something stronger than beer, but Sam won't let him, and honestly, he doesn't want to. What if Cas woke when he was black-out drunk? He needs to get out of the Bunker, go for a drive, but that meant leaving Cas, even for a moment. They've left each other too many times, Dean can't do it again. Not to Cas. 

To keep himself distracted, he calls up everyone- it's occurred to him that not everyone's in the loop. It's a good way to pass the time and stop his increasing worry for Cas becoming the focal point in his mind. He speaks somewhat quietly, but Cas mumbles and leans towards the sound. Dean sighs and smiles, absently stroking Cas' hand with his thumb. He hopes he wakes soon. 

Although... Dean's not sure what's going to happen when Cas is able to stay awake longer than two minutes. Unease settles at the pit of Dean's stomach. 

_I'd tell him to stay. He's allowed to stay._ Dean thinks. _If he leaves, I'll tell him he doesn't have to._

And if Cas decides he doesn't want to? Dean would let him go. He wouldn't get angry, because he pushed Cas away so much- treated him so fucking bad- he would just ask, beg really, that can he visit? Call or text, at least? Dean wouldn't even get annoyed at Cas' excessive use of emojis. 

He doesn't want Cas to leave. He wants to hold Cas' hand, and Cas to hold back. He wants to see him in the morning, stumbling into the kitchen, bedhead, grumpily making coffee. Basically everything they've been doing before, but there's something else there too, something warm and reciprocated. Give Cas everything he wanted, and deserved. He wants to be able to kiss him. 

Dean blushes. Only took twelve years to realise that part. Or, at least, admitting it to himself. He's in love with Cas. And, from his confession, Cas didn't know. He never let him fucking know. 

"You better wake soon." Dean tells him. "You bet-" 

His voice cracks terribly. Liquid has gathered at his eyes. He swallows, collecting himself. 

"I-I don't know what you see in me. What about me taught you how to love. You need- you need better standards, buddy." Dean laughs, almost. "But... but I'll give you everything. You can have it. You can have _me._ " He rubs his shoulder, feeling the handprint. "You already do. You have me, Cas." 

He leans forward, kisses Cas' forehead. 

"Cas, I-" No. He stops himself. He should hear that when he's awake. 

"Dude, I'm gonna leave you suspense." He says, instead. 

* * *

"Y'know, for a guy who isn't even meant to sleep," Dean says, tone cheery to hid the strain. "You're doing a hell of a lot of it. Are you catching up on the lost hours? You better not, cause that's like, what? Billions of hours, probably." 

It's felt like a billion hours. In reality, less than a week. Dean's gone back to pacing- his legs were screaming from being in the sitting position. And his back is unforgiving from sleeping in a chair. 

"Is this what it's like for you? When you're being a creep, watching me catch the z's?" Dean stretches, feeling the satisfying cracks. "It's not that exciting, y'know? I swear when you wake, we're gonna find you some hobbies. Start up a garden, or whatever. Something nerdy, like you." 

There's no response. No confused head tilt. Nothing. Dean can feel the lump, that never seems to completely go, rise in his throat. 

"C'mon, man." Dean says. He sounds weak, lonely. Desperate. "Cas, I miss you." 

He's half resting on bed. Head close to Cas'. His head is bowed, he imagines his hair would tickle Cas' neck if he was awake. He squeezes Cas' hand; it's almost always intertwined with his now. 

"I need you here." 

Cas' hand squeezes back. Dean was certain he didn't imagine that. He raises his head. 

"Cas?" 

And there, staring back with bright, blue eyes, clearest they've been for a long time. 

"Hello, Dean." 

**Author's Note:**

> comments are appreciated! and i apologise for any mistakes (ill edit them if there are any- dont edit at 3am kids!)
> 
> tumblr is clockworkcheetah


End file.
